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Storyline Released in   February 8 , 2010
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Dating A Vampire Is Not Fun - The Storyline

by Larxel13


Fantasy #10073 published in English  |  Rate Storyline Rate this Idea »  |  Rate Storyline Comment - Review this Storyline »

Taylor is a total bookworm. She doesn't care about boys unless they're Percy Jackson or Bobby Pendragon. One day a new boy, Gabriel, comes to her school. While he may be cute, Taylor wouldn't normally be so attracted to him. She observes other odd things about Gabriel, he's never outside during daylight, he's allergic to garlic, and he's way tougher than the other boys. Having read all the right books, she realizes he is a vampire. She has a choice to make, she could...
A. Fall in love with him for no reason, give up her soul for immortality, and have several oddly named children together.
B. Ignore him and hope he bites the cheer captain.
C. Beat him with her grandma's silver-plated Bible.
Taylor, an intelligent girl, immeadiatly disregards A. She briefly considers having him bite the cheer-captain, but decides on C. After this doesn't work, she finds out that he's not a bad vampire, is actual pretty nice, and loves books too. Unfortunetly, the whole thing goes to hell in a handbasket when some other vampires decide she would be a great sacrifice for a dark ritual that will bein their plot for the endless night. Will Taylor survive this odd crush? Of course she will, she's packing her Bible.

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›› Review  1 - 3  of  3

intresting awsome

June 18, 9:03 pm

i liked this it was very intresting and amuseimg
i liked they way you used A B and C to explane taylors opsions

  1 | #5581
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jadedainty
United Kingdom
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Not Consistent

February 9, 7:11 am

I understand you want to hook into the Twilight market, so to speak, but you have a few basic problems. This kid goes to school but is never in daylight. Logically, that's impossible. He would have to be out during the day to be in high school, And what exactly do you mean by "way tougher than the other boys?" This is extremely vague and gives the reader no clue what he's really like. Also, it makes your character sound like she's still in tenth grade. The whole thing with the Bible makes this girl come off like a Jesus freak. This will turn off some readers right away.

You're obviously trying to go for funny, kicky action plot but it isn't quite working. Perhaps because the whole idea of a vampire going to a normal high school (where he will have to be exposed to sunlight) makes no sense. The basic idea could be a good one; girl falls in love with vampire but runs into a bunch of not so good vampires wanting to sacrifice her. However, it isn't believable in this context. Try to create an environment that fits the vampire.

  2 | #5093
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lwhiteside
United States
(Monroe)
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1 . Author's Comment #419 on Review | February 9, 3:16 pm

Thanks for the review.
First of all the characters are Christian but they're not a bunch of old ladies, but Bibles and silver are both deadly to evil vampires.
Secondly, vampires can create portals out of darkness so they don't have to go out, plus good ones don't explode in sunlight they just get instant sunburns. (Windows distort the light enough for vampires to be all right as long as they wear magic sun-block)
(Sorry parts of the description were bad but I needed to leave and I would have lost everything I had typed if I'd left)
Third, the foot-ball team try to beat him up because all the girls at school like him better.(This is because all vampires emit pheromes that cause the opposite gender and some gay people to become completly infatuated with them; although, Taylor is really a witch so she can resist it to a point and notice it isn't a natural crush) Any way the vampire beats them up in a fight almost effortlessly.
Once again sorry for the bad summary. I was hard pressed for time. If you have more problems please point them out, so I can fix them. Thanks.

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Larxel13
United States
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Author's opening discussion

February 8, 6:39 pm

I want to make this a vampire story but make it WAY different from Twilight. I'd also like a co-author to bounce ideas off.

  3 | #5091
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Larxel13
United States
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