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Storyline Released in   September 11 , 2008
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The Time Compass - The Storyline

by marcorar


Thriller #62 published in English  |  Rate Storyline Rate this Idea »  |  Rate Storyline Comment - Review this Storyline »

Nicole and Michael Smith are orphans who were found in the streets by a professor named Albert. He provides them with all their needs. Albert always hid something from the them in a room where they were forbidden to enter.This made them curious. Soon after Albert is murdered, the Smiths decide to go into the forbidden room. They find a compass-like object. Nicole brings this compass with her where ever she goes. She decides to go back to the room and search for clues of what the compass really is. She finds out that it is really a time machine. She starts to abuse its power, not thinking of the consequences. She notices that every time she time travels, the arm slightly moves in a clockwise motion. While all this is happening, many robberies begin to occur around town. Evidence shows that all the robberies are done by the same person. While the Smith siblings are asleep, the robber comes to the house and robs the compass. When Nicole finds out that the compass is missing, she begins to search everywhere. She searched everyday for 3 months, with no luck. One night, Nicole dreamed that she was traveling through time. When she awoke, she tried many times to travel through time without the compass. Finally, she traveled. As she was traveling, she saw another man in between timelines. She approaches the man but he travels into world war II. Nicole follows him and finds him in an old church that was destroyed during the war. The man had nowhere to go so he fought her. They fought long, and soon, Nicole gets him to accidentally drop the compass. She grabs it and travels back to the present time. She goes to Michael and he tells her that she needs to destroy it and never use her ability to time travel again. She burns the compass and nobody time traveled again.

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›› Review  1 - 2  of  2

needs work

November 21, 2008, 11:41 pm

Time travel raises paradoxes. In this short story telling we see none. We also see no “protagonist” until late. We do have a struggle and a sort of climax but it seems puffy and too quick.
Much more involvement to bring in the reader would be something of the sort where today’s technology is moved back in time. Perhaps to help the Nazis conquer England?
The ending here leaves open the problem of the robber trapped in the pass having knowledge of the future. A dangerous problem and not answered.
The heroine has no flaws or problems? What makes her interesting?
Why not let Micheal be the hero – if this is an action story that makes sense – so you need to explain why her.
You indicated she abused the compass – but how? and you indicted she was indifferent to consequences – why? What were the consequences?
The ability to travel through time is a gift and that aspect of traveling without instrumentality needs to be explained more – how was she able to do it – some thing plausible.
The man is never explained. Was he the robber? Was he the murderer of Albert? Both? Did he have accomplices or was he part of some sinister plot/plan? How did he know of the compass?
I hope this helps....

  1 | #209
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wsxian
United States
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already seen

September 14, 2008, 10:39 pm

this could be interesting, but Author already suffocate all further interest of reader with ending up on start.

  2 | #200
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Contesa
Serbia
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